So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
