so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
