I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
