I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
