those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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