Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
