kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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