Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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