Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
