i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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