so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
