worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
