i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
