i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
