Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
