my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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