Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
