The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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