i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
