Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
