i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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