Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
