Ambien. No doubt about it.
She said her name was "party"
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
