I CAN MOONWALK!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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