Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
