God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
