I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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