My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
