I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
