Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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