a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
