my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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