we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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