They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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