i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
