We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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