I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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