It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
