I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
