she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
