they need to just BURY HIM!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize