weddingsv make me drug and hornr
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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