Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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