I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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