he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
