note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
