There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
