I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
