so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
