hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
