omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
