I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
