I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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