Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
even my farts smell like vagina
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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