420 ftw
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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