My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
