If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
