i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
