Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
