Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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