Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
