We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
