nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
