I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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