I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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