You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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