That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
