So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
